Why I Hate Taking The Train – You Know Who You Are!

February 17, 2011 at 6:22 pm | Posted in Fun | 3 Comments
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Recently I have been rather busy with work (no Mancry isn’t my full time job sadly)  and having to take the train regularly. 3 hours there and 3 hours back. It doesn’t matter if I sit in 1st class ( laptops everywhere with people in suits) or standard  class (next to the drug addicts and common scum), I always see the same type of annoying people that drive me absolutely fucking crazy. Here’s a list of the common offenders and you know the ones I mean. Hell you probably are ONE of them:

The Phone Guy

Fuck me. We all hate this one. It’s 6:10 am and phone guy calls his boss and says in the loudest voice possible:

” Morning Am I disturbing you? Oh sorry, yeah yeah just on the train. I have a few questions / I’ve been looking over the presentation…”

Well for starters, don’t fucking act like it’s perfectly normal to call your boss at 6:10am. Second, stop fucking shouting! We don’t care what you are talking about and I can promise you, you’re boss doesn’t give a flying fuck either. As soon as you put the phone down, we can all hear your boss saying “What a twat!”

On one of my recent travels, a guy next to me unfolded a large scale schematic on the table, on the fucking TRAIN, to call his boss at 6:10 to discuss the placement of the staircase on diagram B! You can bet his boss thought ” Twat”  at the end of that phone conversation!

The New Presentation Guy

This drives me fucking insane. Presentation guy is bored. He’s already browsed youtube and facebook and now he is getting desperate. File, New, Blank presentation. That’s it. The remainder of the journey is the same  fucking screen. Just adjusting the font size, few lines followed by a “urhh” noise, only to close the presentation WITHOUT saving it, to then open a new one minutes later. If you are bored, do what everyone else does and google “girls” and then browse the small thumbnail preview pics for porn! (wait, I’m the only one who does that!?)

The Loud Typer

Again, drives me fucking INSANE! Especially the woman with fake nails. Tap, tap , tap for 3 hours! I want to slap her and say press the keys like a human and not a fucking monkey! I’ll buy you gloves if it helps but please stop tapping!

The “Everything Apple” Guy

I hate him. On a train 99% of all computers are ugly boring Lenovo laptops. Company pays for them so we don’t care. They get the job done. However ,there is always one person on the train with an Apple product. And I mean Apple. Apple laptop, phone, ipad and ipod touch all out at the same time just to piss us off. Suddenly this guy not only has the biggest cock on the train but the nicest looking. You take a secret little glance at the ipad. You realize he sees you. He fucking loves it and smiles back. Bastard

Phone Looses Signal Guy

We are on a train, it’s fucking moving at 150 mph! So why do you act like someone just fucking died when you loose your phone signal!? Excessive outbursts of “Urghhh” and “Fuck sake” are TOTALLY over the top! Don’t place a phone call on a moving train then you fucking idiot!

Internet Looses Signal Guy

Even Worse than phone looses signal guy. It’s a shitty signal on a moving train on a fucking slow connection at best. Suddenly he realizes the Internet doesn’t work. He ask everyone on the train if they have the same problem ! When he confirms it’s down he then tells the whole train how there is no Internet. Then he acts like there is no air to breath.  Wait 30 min and try again! Not every 2 minutes you complete cock!

Well that was just a few of my pet hates! Didn’t even bother with the loud music players, low battery  guy! You know the ones! So next time you see them, ask for their e-mail address. E-mail them this article and see if they get the picture. Happy traveling!

P.s. I actually wrote this while on the train. Loud Cough guy is on here.. AHHHH!!


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  1. Spot-on observations! But I miss “Paranoid illegally downloaded movie watching guy”. Watching movies not even showing in theatres, google-translated subtitles. Trying to cover and/or minimize player-frame, and/or franticly open a new presentation if you look too long at his screen.

    Sorry to say I’m The “Everything Apple” Guy – yes, I hate me too.

    • Brilliant observation Anders!

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